It so mean.

IMUSM

ILUSM

please drop some mail or text U!!!!!!!!

Stop telling me!

Please don't tell me you love me if you only wanna break it soon

Please don't tell me you miss me if you just text me for a stupid thing

Please don't tell me I'm your everything if you only find me when you need it

Please don't call me sayang while you calling other girls honey

Please!

I had enough all this

I had stop loving you

I had a broken heart

I won't be able to trust you

I won't be able to hold this love

cos I'm so bad disappointing on you

Jumaat

Selamat Pagi Jumaat!

quick and short entry.

memulakan hari ini dengan penuh semangat dan kehidupan baru.

semoga Tuhan sentiasa melindungi dan bersama sama hambaNya.

ameen......

Now I can say........

I stand from the disappointment.

Escape..

its been quite long I haven't update any entries. well, doesn't mean I'm busy or anything that related to work. It just I am very unmotivated and feel like someone stole my mood. every time I'm sitting in front lappy and fingers playing on board, I was like a dumb person who just been froze and head stuck with full of stress. it was like you have nothing in head. its empty!!! You don't know what you should write and you lost your words. That worse!!!!!

I could say I had thousand of ideas in mind that I would like to post but because the stuck of head caused the delay! HuH!!!! That's my problem and at the end I just leave those stories went together with wind. :)

Okay. first of all was about my working place. Seriously I am totally out of mood and bored to talk about it. It mess and I really appreciate if people won't ask me about work thing especially regarding the stress environment. You never know how rush I am to complete this work. Every morning run out toward patient. Grab them for a treatment and struggling finish my documentation and further need to go back and do some revision especially the medical term that not familiar to me yet similar to them. well,that what should the newer do kan?

Hurm.. okay forget about work things! this is the story that I really hate most to talk about. when it turn to heart feeling I was like "OH Please"...I just hope that I won't have any kind of trouble heart feeling but the truth I am die hard trouble in heart feeling. Seriously, I am so crazy of thinking this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my bad. Having one that i love most and at the same time falling to someone that care much more than what you want! i don't know how crazy I am! but the thing is he already had someone else and I don't deserve him. every time I try to tell him how I feel about him, something was stop me from doing so. What? I have no answer .

Whatever it is I just keep that. Just let me feel it inside me. I don't want to be sad for his rejected. :( let me love him from here and pray for his life. :) but my friend told me something

say "i love you" to a person that u love before its to late....

What else could I do if I have no courage to do so. So the solution let it be a story of my heart... :(

and LOVE. I knew something about him that hurt me so much. Hurm.. May God bless him but my love for him never end.... sob sob sob :'(

Trying to escape from these troubles but God had His plan and He still wanna test me. No matter how trials I faced, I wish I always be able to stand to fight back. I miss my life where I was a kid. I don't need to face these misery yet I don't need to think about these matters because I know mom and dad were always be here to pampered me in any matter I felt....

oh I miss them and I miss my sayang kak dhiah. Wish she will be here to be a shoulder to cry on..... :(

Simple but ...

Just wanna write a short entry. Since marrying with new job and sleep with a lot of matters in mind, I had no time to write a long entry. Seriously, a bundle of stories in head but time seems jealous and stop me from updating the blog.

First of all, my story in a new job placement. Seriously its to busy to catch up everything in settle down and running around the ward to finish the task. Huh! busy busy and the worst was tiring for whole day. That was the task and now is the environment which is I really hate to be there. Especially with the one who really mess my sight, ears and I could say my life!!! I don't like the way she talk, she smile or anything that she do whether to me or others. Subhanallah! I shouldn't felt that way. But honestly, I couldn't stand with those that came out from her... FULLSTOP!

The house! This one I ever mention before. This is not what I wanted when the first time I move here. They still in their own life without helping hand. It is not too bad but can be conclude as not even good. May be I stayed in different life with others before, so I thought the culture might be same but its totally out of my thought. But I survive cos I know I'll change this slowly with the flow as long as everyone happy with the changes.

-------------------

My first day at school. Huh! serious nak mengeluh panjang dulu. Its been quite long I left lecture, notes, and most important is attention. I am super sleepy during the class. OMG! Imagine how bad I am. Till end the class I got headache. God bless me!! hahahha... Insya allah I'll fine soon.

Okay. that is it! nothing more. Will update soon :)

Doa

Doa Mencari Cinta

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَانِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Ya Allah Ya Wajid..
Jika Dia Benar Milikku..
Satukanlah Hatiku dengan Hatinya..
Jika Dia Bukan Untukku..
Damaikanlah Hatiku Dengan Ketentuan Mu..

Ya Muhaimin
Pertemukanlah aku dengan seseorang..
Yang Melabuhkan Cintannya PadaMu Ya Allah..

amin ya rabbal al amin..

Indah

tak ada tempat yang bahagia lagi embahagiakan kita melainkan rumah kita sendiri. Sebab tue orang panggil RUMAHKU SYURGAKU!!!!

tak sabar nak balik kampung esok.

selmat pulang n selamat kembali

ameen :)

Stabilize...

A lil down at this moment > thinking of the first day at my placement

> someone that I ever hate cheat me again!

> I'm doing the same mistake

> worry about the girl who stole u heart

> miss home so badly

> haven't prepared to school

> I lost the connection and its really worry me

> My heart sink

SERIOUSLY! I AM SO BADLY NEED SOME MOTIVATION HERE TO STRENGTHEN MY SOUL. I AM WEAK.

I'M NOT READY FOR TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop saying you are fine!

I used to live in my world. Never let people to come without an invitation. And even they are coming in a good way, I would rather make a distance or push it over very gently. This is my life! This is what I called privacy.

But, I never crossed my mind to make it narrow, I'm just need a space where life so free and no other things inside which I don't want to make it mess. Sound selfish right? But the truth, you got to know me at the time you need and do never try to judge me cos you are so wrong about me! errrrrr... what act i'm trying to say kan?

okay whateverla.....

When friends asked me why your face look sad? is there anything haunt you? Did you have any problems? I would say "I'm fine!" but behind I'm the only who kept the stories from others... I believe, I don't want to trouble them with my stuffs. its doesn't mean I am the one who just doing my own business and kick people hands. nope! It just I am bad in asking a favor.

When people asked me "how's your job?" I will answer. " bolehla. just a bit busy and tired. but i'm fine. I'm gonna like my job soon.". Deep inside my heart, its so scary and my heart beat go fast. I knew this is a very high stage of doing my new job without experiences and skills especially at this moment when everyone talked about the negative side of my work environment. I don't know and its scared me a lot. Its either I'm gonna cry or I just smile and keep saying " I'm fine!"

Mom always said "are you alright stay alone at home?". I will reply her " Yes mom. I used to it. I'm fine! Don't treat me like a little girl. " But the truth, I am scared all the night I stayed. I just don't want to make her worry about me cos she had enough things to worry about. Ain't it to stupid to say? huh!

When someone that I love most break my heart and said that he just wanna be friend with me. I asked him back whether he had other girls that caused he doing so? and he answered me. yes! and soon he changed the words he is not ready. But because of love I keep waiting and I reply him. " okay, but if you really had one and its not me, let me know and I go. I never had hard feeling towards you. I forgive you and don't worry. I'm fine! " Later, I cried for what had happen to me even though head stuck with him. I told friends about my heart and they said " let him go! forget him! he hurts you enough!" I know, but if only I could delete him like I did to the unused folder. Just God knows what I felt in heart.

When I fall sick, I took medicine and sleep the whole day. Its reduce the fever but the love that I need its empty which at that time I really need to be pampered by someone but I didn't get it. "I'm fine" because He's love always with me.

Sometimes, I need to say the word "I'm fine"!!!!!! In any matters, cos I am so badly doesn't want to trouble others.

I want something new, fresh and fantastic!

Staying at home on weekend  without friends was like live in a prison without a light and breath with a room full of dust... *hiperbola sangat*.. hehehehe. So yesterday, I decided to go out and search for a fun to kick out the boredom. Serious fun la sgt kn. heee..Setakat lepak kat Midvalley yang  sekangkang kera tue...hahahhaha.. What to do? That's my routine.

Nak kuar jauh2 malas because of the weather too hot till sweat poured like water flow in and the clothes getting wet. Hah! So better stay at the place which is cold and not too crowd to walk like Jlan TAR.... Ok again! Merapu kat sini...

So, semalam tujuan utama ke Midvalley adalah untuk membayar bil bb since raya yang bz sampai terlupa, nasib baik tak kene potong kan. heee... Then jalan2 window shopping tapi yang pastinya semalam mood nak bershopping adalah pada tahap yang sgt minima. Memang I totally lost my mojo! tak tahulah kenapa semua benda yang nampak kat mata ni semuanya tak cantik and rasa seperti tidak berbaloi untuk membeli! Hah.... Bad bad...

Then, untuk mengubat hati yang lara ni, pegila tempat wajib kat Mid... Mane lagi kalo tak kat MPH! Tak pernah missed untuk singgah. Konon2 pegi nak cari buku best buat bekalan kat rumah time2 bosan kan tapi hampeh bila pusing the whole MPH takde pon buku yang best. Kalo ade pon I already own the book.

Ok, first pegi kat English book. so review2 jela buku2 yang best...adelah a few books that quite interesting like ROOM and some from Dorothy Komsoon and Nicholas Sparks.. Yang ROOM and from Nicholas Sparks tue mmg menarik giler but out of budget since dah beli a few books this month so terpaksa masuk list for next month plak..take turnla kan....

Next, terus jalan2 ke bahagian agama and ilmiah...so terjumpa satu buku yang best.. Belek2 and terus beli.....

Sebab dah dekat kan terus singgah kat Novel Melayu... Pusing2 belek2 baca2... Hah.. Tang nie memang nak komen banyak sebab nya hampir kebanyakan citer Novel Melayu nie merapu je lebih. Bukan merapu tapi tahap dewa punya tak best.. sebab sebab:

1. Jalan citer sume sama jer... contoh: sorang penulis citer pasal maid bercinta ngan tuan..hah ape lagi semua nak buat citer  camtue cme name and tempat kejadian je di tukar... masalhnya bukan satu dua buku tapi lebih 5 buku buat jln citer yang same...adeh! carila ideaa sket....

2. Name2 setiap watak tue tolongla jgn obvious melaram sgt..name sampai belit2 lidah nk sebut..sedap bebenor padahal dlm realitinya tak penah pon kita dgar ade org gne name tue.. pastue2 belumba2la penulis2 laen yang berebut2 nak name yg lagi glamour and end up with ntah hape2....

3. Jalan citer dah satu halnya cam maid tadi.. sambung plak nagn org kaya org miskin, cinta tak kesampaian la.. pastue jmpe balik.. Then dah bercinta bagai nak rak, kekasih lame dtg blik... aduh berlambak kot cte2 novel yang lain.... bosanla!!!

4. Cover buku je menarik tahap dewa. Memang sekali tgk nak belila..tp bila bce dlm hampeh.... dah tue dah sorang gne cover camtue, yang lain pon tiru nak gne lebih kurang cmtue gak....

5. Tajuk buku. takde ke tajuk yang gempak2 seket.... Ini tajuk jiwang2 mendayu dayu yang paling best.. contohla ea: sorang tulis cinta terakhir, yang lain pon sibuk cinta terhalanglah, kau cinta hatiku lah... pastu adalah yang lebih kurang cmtue gak... aduh!!!!! *xde kene mngena nagn buku buku yang sedia wujud*

Tue jela yang boleh komen, komen lebih2 kang bahaye... Tapi ape yang boleh dikatakan kat sini, dah berlambak sgt novel cinta merapu kat malaysia nie...cube buat cerita yang ade pengajaran lebih pada agama, pengetahuan dan juga inspirasi. Contohnya banyak boleh kita dapat especially bila baca buku english. Bukan nya nak megah2kan english book tapi sebab buku dorang best, idea yang fresh and sesuatu yang baru and memang di tahap logik and kita belajar dari buku tue..so jangan salahkan masyarakat jika kita lebih utamakan yang luar...

Tapi tak dinafikan, ade jugak beberapa buku Melayu yang bagus, contoh Awang Murshid Awang Ramli.. Sebab buku dia lain dari yang lain...dan salah satu buku Melayu yang boleh di terima adelah Mencari Jalan ke Syurga-Hasliza Ismail (Kaki Novel).. memang kebanyakan novel kaki nie aku suka... So, ini adalah pandangan aku sendiri bak kate org *my taste* tapi kalo ade orang lain yang tak setuju.. Sorry but it just something that I can share to improve our Malaysian books.. So, everyone will back on track after this perhaps!

So anyone had anything to say? Just share with me.. so these are the books that I read.

 

Shoot Me More and More...

There are some people who always asking me a question that I could never give them a right away answer or the good answer for each questions. Normally I would rather smile and make a change for the topic. That bad hah! But there still a time that I could not escape from giving them the answer since they shoot me with repeated and close ended question.

Huh! Seriously, I am bad in handling questions from others cos I was a person who like to shut my mouth when it not necessary to talk or I could say I hate been questions by others. Is it for simple or complicated. Both make me not comfortable.. Ain't it bad hah? But I still able to manage with those questions by giving them my simple and clear answer.

But, if it turns to the personal thing, I would say 'I have no idea' or the best is smile and leave.... I don't know why is it so hard for me to give them my words toward the questions. May be I am a kind of people who stand on own personal and never let people come in without the invitation. Well, i don't prefer others to know bout myself, I would rather let them be an observer and judge by their on thought from what they seen and what they guess.

That would be worse because some people who do not know me well will be giving a negative thought rather than a good sight of me. never mind, i don't need them to judge me. Whatever they want to think  about me, that's should be not my trouble!

Honestly, people always wanna know bout me especially friends. I know, friend is the place where we share our stories and discuss about life and one of the place to get more motivation from the advises. Not forgotten, friend is the place where we could find our soul after losing it somewhere. But, I always put some obstacle to keep my stories safe from others. Its not about a trust or dishonesty...It just a space and privacy.

Hey friends, some people might need a place for own. A space where they wanna feel alone and a story that could never let people  know. So you  right?

So, friends I am sorry for not giving you the satisfied answer just like you hope for.... I am so not be able to do that.. You can shoot me but I had a weapon to protect it... :)

Faithful

I won't LOVE someone that I don't fall with...