April 30, 2012

saya bukan alim

warn~> this is long entry

definitely i'm taking pause for each sentences i wrote, and keep my finger on the backspace key for this post. refer to the title on top, you may wonder what am trying to convey yet i am the one doubt to write this entry. afraid to get false perception from readers who just keep eyes on tittle without completely finish their reading.

every person i met, they left judgement about me. well, i am not a mind reader, neither a witch to understand what thought they made.
i am ordinary! i make flaws. i drop sometimes. i cried for sad. i beg to Him.

sometimes, there is a thing pop out from my head on how they judge me. afraid that they could give bad perception though i am hardly present myself at best! they could see me from what i acted, from what i said, they could judge from my appearance, they could judge in any ways even i shut my mouth.. people' brain always work on what they observed and the evaluation make thing hard for me as the eyes seem pasted to my face.

i wrote a lot in my blog. keep changing the language, the mood, the issue, the emotional, the response, sometimes tested to leap in faith, you alert if you are the follower. *dont force you to be*.

refresh; in the beginning of develop this blog. very new to understand to manage the blog.exciting write about self, interest, moment and upload pictures.. but suddenly, realised that where should this blog go. is it to *show off*, is it to let people see how your life is.. *kehidupan yang pasang dan surut* or let your pictures been seen to criticise while the pictures show the way that shouldnt be it way. well it depends on how you think of it. sometimes this is the way how feeling play around. worries!

doesnt matter!

it is okay to write. but bare in mind, never let excitement take place till you forget your direction. i learnt! i did blogwalking. drop by here and there, read a lot, sometimes influence myself to be like their language, copy some of their ways and many more. *that was long time ago*

then, i found one page from this blogwalking routine. tell you that i amaze her for having a wonderful page. attractive, she did well in her blog..... i change a lot ever since i read her page.

identity? personality? language? post?

nope!

it is the way how she manage her page. never let anger control the language, nevet put *riak* for her luck, never blame for any mistakes, never claimed she is the best but sharing, attitude, adab, sopan, culture that amaze me toward her. she was the best behind the sarcastic in her words.

friends, the best follower could see my changes i made from the beginning till present.

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after almost three years own this page, changing here and there, improving the language and action;

one asked me. i wrote about faith and redha. prayer and etc.. but, sudden question spit from the mouth. do you wanna be an ustazah?you like to speak about prayer but why you never wear *tudung labuh*.

#silent# i wonder myself for have
such wear tudung labuh cover by purdah. put jubah everyday in life. is it what she meant? again i wonder.

mute# in the midst of finishing this post. finally, i have my answer.

honest, i am not alim but doesnt mean alim should wear those labuh hijab, those jubah and purdah, but!
alim to my side, to cover all *aurat*, perform solat, fasting in ramadhan, recite the Quran, meninggalkan laranganNya; too many that we should obey to Him..and most important is #niat..

again! i am not alim but i still His slave who always obey to what He had state. ibadah is what He count on but not the *tudung labuh* that you had mention.

i am not denied *tudung labuh*. its credit for you if you wearing *tudung labuh*. but how if you wearing those *tudung labuh*, purdah and jubah but you never perform solat, your niat was terpesong, your cemburu and dengki haunt you. *not to point anyone*.

i dont debate!

anyway, good to remind me! my pleasure for your reminder.



Allah itu ada bukan hanya untuk orang alim. Allah juga ada bersama hamba-Nya yang berdosa - dan memohon keampunan-Nya.

nobody perfect, make mistake is flaws but turn back to Him and ask for taubat is the perfect way rather than remaining sins. wallahualam...

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