Fraud

I was the person who I can conclude as 'lurus' without the other word 'bendul' next to it. Hey I am! honestly... Whatever you said, in any how you acted, its just through my eyes and ears and no any thoughts of judgement. It just it is. Well, kind of 'budak baikla' but somehow, when things come annoyed me, I might be giving a different side of thoughts! Perhaps to be more negative than the actual truth. See, how 'lurus' it is right! Okay, hold on to the character.

What brought me to this post was the experienced being the person who I am. Well since life was full of challenges, mind is the huge important aspect to live in this biggest challenging world. No matter where you stand on, no matter how clever you are, no matter how high your status, no matter no matter no matter! You need mind! In any circumstances your mind is very needed.. Indeed!!!!!

Let me tell you one story, there was a guy who was holding two girls in his life. One was his fiancee and the other one was his girlfriend of his past. He do love both! Then the fiancee asked him "why do you want to marry me?" the guy said "because i love you". The fiancee smile without knowing that she was been cheated by the guy for having the other girl. The next day, the girlfriend asked him "i want this relationship to be more serious?" The guy answer "wait till i'm ready"... So, guys what can we conclude on... The girlfriend should know is it the lover really love her? or should she be more assertive in the relationship or just forget about it cos love is everything and wait till the guy say goodbye... Well, maybe its to rush and look like gelojoh to do such thing like that..but hey!!! This is about heart. Don't get hurt by the people who not deserved for your tears..

Lie!!! I had faced so much lies from the people I knew. Ain't it truly sad hah? What to do. People lie to escape from truth, or maybe lying is the best to protect from hard feeling! But hey, did you realized, knowing the truth after lie was a pain!!!! Tell you what, from the pain you lost the trust!

I hate liar!!!!!!! Once you lie to me, you break my trust!!!!!!!! Warn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a friend of mine. Well I think he was a good friend for listening to my problem, to gave me support whenever I need a motivation, who always cheered me up when sorrow jump to my day! Well, I felt lucky to be friend with him instead having *my sayang sayang* around. A lot more stories we shared together and even laugh and joke also cried and disappointment.

Seriously, I feel good about him...

But, a few months back, I found something about him... The lies toward my question to him. Well he had right to the answer, whether giving me the truth or lie or whatever he wants to say... But hey, I got a feeling! what turns you up if people lie to you, like you lie to me. Pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!

At the beginning, yes!!!! i am pissed off!!!!!!! Then next, you keep doing the same... lie lie and continuously lying to your words.... and I am used to it! Now, I'm losing your trust! Any words come out from your mouth, I'll take it as a conversation and not as promises. Bad hah! So, this is me... You never know till you really know me. Honestly, I never get mad! I Don't know how to be angry, how to scold... I don't know!!!!!!!! All will turn to sad and regret! That is it!!!!!

When a guy approach you to be one of his special and at the same time he was having a status *in a relationship* on his facebook or twitter, will you take it! how stupid the guy... huuh....

When a guy said "i love you"... Then, when time asking him to hang out with other friends he giving you so many excuses and avoiding such a date with friends. Oh, please... he had bad intention towards you! Its mind to work now!!!!!

It is not to blame a guy, but hey..its to remind you that out there, there is still a girl who used to live in *mind working*. means everything that she did, she think wise and twice and thinking of the 'kesan selepas' even it is not happen yet. It's called *preparing from disaster*! Well maybe terhiperbola sikit but it is! I think that way... Whoever wanna close to me, there still an electric fence to trespassing.

I admit! I ever lie to others... Same goes to others kan? Sape yang tak penah tipu bila keadaan mendesak kan.. tapi janganlah sampai penipuan tu menyakiti dan merosakkan orang lain. Think about it guys! mungkin tak berlaku pada kita, tapi bagaimana jika satu hari nanti ia berlaku pada orang yang kita sayang.....

Simpulkan lah sebaik baiknya! You the one chose for you life!!!!!

;)

'If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you miss finding someone who treats you like a priority '

Mencari Ruang

Terlalu banyak dugaan sejak beberapa hari ini. Cukup untuk katakan sangat mencabar dan perlukan pertimbangan yang amat tinggi... Huuh! Again mengeluh lagi........... Well, what to do? buat ini tak kene, buat itu tak kene... semuanya keliru dan celaru... Losing mood, lost appetite and forget how to smile. Worst!!!!!!! Oh Tuhan je yang tahu hati aku!

Alhamdulillah.............. everything going well.

Praise be to Allah. He calm me in my doa... Cuma perlukan sedikit ruang untuk mencari kekuatan diri... kene bangkit dari kejatuhan! ! Masih belum mampu untuk berdiri teguh. Kadang kadang kenangan lama bermain main balik macam nak duga kesabaran....

Sesungguhnya ujian yang Tuhan berikan ni sangat besar... mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik ujian yang Tuhan berikan. mungkin ini adalah peringatan dari Tuhan kepada kesalahan yang aku buat, mungkin Tuhan nak duga kesabaran dan kesetiaan aku, mungkin Tuhan mahu aku sentiasa berdoa dan bersujud kepadaNya...

Those people who expected me more... Tell you what? I'm sorry... I need a space.... Ruang untuk berada di zon aman dan selesa... Ruang untuk mengumpul kekuatan dan kepercayaan... Ruang untuk mendapat redha dan iman... Ruang untuk mencari cinta illahi... Ruang untuk diri sendiri...

Mungkin bila sampai masa Tuhan bukakan ruang itu! then, I'll be ready :)

Bernafas semula

Dah dua minggu tak update blog! Well since marrying with job, travelling here and there, and the main caused lappy broke down! Again! hee.... such a bad one la :D weeeee

Okay takpe takpe, dah kembali sihat lappy nie setelah dirawat selama sehari. Cuma lepas nie I need to be good to my lappy, kalo tak merana la tak dapat siapkan keje yang berlambak lambak! plus, terbanglah duet beratus ratus lagi...haishhhhhhhhhhh... so wasted!

Since lappy dah ok, dapatla nak karok sampai pagi, update blog sampai lebam, online sampai puas and yang best men game sampai ade symptom2 CTS... Coii coii!!!! mintak simpangla....

So, dapat bernafas balik dari boredom and daydream...ngee!!!

Well...malas nak update panjang panjang cos mood mengantuk dah datang! Inilah rutin harian bila duk sorang sorang, keje yang bertimbun timbun, mood yang bergoncang goncang, hati yang beralun alun...okay stop being more hiperbola! So daripada cakap ngan dinding and melanguk tepi tingkap baik mendapatkan rehat yang secukupnya.........................

daaaaa~~~

Tweet Tweet

After taking a long think, I finally had *Twitter*... gee!! hahaha... Oh please! rasanya ramai je orang yang dah berkurun ade twitter kan. Anyway, ape ada hal? *tangan naik atas mata terbeliak*

And bila dah create an account kat twitter, tiba tiba terfikir, buat pe nak twitter kan? FB kan dah ada and I think I spent lot of time on FB! Well I might be thinking soon. Hummmm

Okay whatever! The thing is I already had Twitter! Well still study using twitter right now! Maybe will be more maju soon...heeeeeee

Got a go... wanna continue watch Cerekarama ;)

still working on it!

An appreciation

When I was waiting for train to come there was something pop out from my head that remind me about what had just happened before I left 'Hospital'.

Y: la dieba kenapa ko sekejap sangat?
Me: nak wat cam ne puan. saya kene kerja tempat lain.
Y: ko tak payahla pegi mane mane, stay sini je.
Me: *smile*
Y: aku suka ko duk sini. tak payah pegi tempat lain. suh orang lain je...
Me: *smile* takpe nanti orang baru datang mesti lebih bagus.

I end the conversation with smile and salam while holding tears from drop in front of them. Deep inside my heart, I love all of them but my job ends and I should leave. I don't know how much they meant for the words but I wish it was a good meant from them. :)

Four months back, before I left Sabah, there was a one guy told me that I should be back or the meaning was I should stay for much longer. Its either extended the period of my working time or staying for a new job. Oh I feel good for appreciation by people surround but I could not stay far from the place that I belong to.

A month back, I left a few places which it given me a lot of opportunities to calm and *muhasabah diri*. The day that I left those places, they wave hand for a separation where we don't know whether we had chance to meet again! Again, denied myself of the sadness from separated.

A few weeks back, I'm losing my best room mate by moving out to a better place that called *home*. My heart shaking for her gone but hey! she still alive, she is having a good life and she wish me to be the same way that she had. Girl! you gonna make it. Let smile again :)

A week back, I met one that I love most. He still the same as before he left. 'I miss him a lot '
Should I tell him that I miss him all the time... Nope! cos he can feel it.

Every places I went to, brought me a lot of sweet sweet moment together! Its very hard hah to let it go. Sometimes we strong enough to face the *bye bye* moment but sometimes we never care what *bye bye* means for. It just come and go like a man walk the sideways.

I admit! I'm the bad one in saying goodbye. I don't want to say a word of leave but I'm saying I'm gonna miss! Its hard when people around you appreciate you most while you realized you are not giving them all your best. But maybe, the sincerity cover up the weaknesses.

I learn! Learn to be a good one among the best... I know it is not easy to get people to like me. Not all people will like us. But they do! They find a pleasure to work with me and mingling with them was the best experience I should never forget!

So hey, let's live in a cool life. Forget to cry and sad. Let's find happiness together then we make it fun :) Insyaallah we gonna find it!

Huzn

A word as the opposite of joy and happiness. It is expressing feeling of pain and hurt to the heart. There was a sorrow and sadness inside where no one knows how suffer it is till its killing the soul.

Cry! Ain't it obviously to happen? I am! I am! I am! and I don't know how to stop. I can't find way to smile. I am definitely in weeping and wailing to the tragic history of love.

Again! its breaking it as it called *broken heart*

I rather stay behind and keep crying than telling you how I felt now. I hate to be like this!

Stay alone and away from support and motivation are really hard. :(

Huh!

Give me the *Strong Me* back! I wanna it back!!!!

***********sssshhhh**********

I'm thinking! Allah hates people who always give up and didn't accept Qada' and Qadr... Why are you forget Him? Why are you crying? You shouldn't be... Ain't you think that?

Make a doa. He will listen and help out no matter how trouble you. Just make a doa! Trust Him for all your heart and soul! Tawakal and Redha was the peace of your heart.