I used to live in my world. Never let people to come without an invitation. And even they are coming in a good way, I would rather make a distance or push it over very gently. This is my life! This is what I called privacy.
But, I never crossed my mind to make it narrow, I'm just need a space where life so free and no other things inside which I don't want to make it mess. Sound selfish right? But the truth, you got to know me at the time you need and do never try to judge me cos you are so wrong about me! errrrrr... what act i'm trying to say kan?
okay whateverla.....
When friends asked me why your face look sad? is there anything haunt you? Did you have any problems? I would say "I'm fine!" but behind I'm the only who kept the stories from others... I believe, I don't want to trouble them with my stuffs. its doesn't mean I am the one who just doing my own business and kick people hands. nope! It just I am bad in asking a favor.
When people asked me "how's your job?" I will answer. " bolehla. just a bit busy and tired. but i'm fine. I'm gonna like my job soon.". Deep inside my heart, its so scary and my heart beat go fast. I knew this is a very high stage of doing my new job without experiences and skills especially at this moment when everyone talked about the negative side of my work environment. I don't know and its scared me a lot. Its either I'm gonna cry or I just smile and keep saying " I'm fine!"
Mom always said "are you alright stay alone at home?". I will reply her " Yes mom. I used to it. I'm fine! Don't treat me like a little girl. " But the truth, I am scared all the night I stayed. I just don't want to make her worry about me cos she had enough things to worry about. Ain't it to stupid to say? huh!
When someone that I love most break my heart and said that he just wanna be friend with me. I asked him back whether he had other girls that caused he doing so? and he answered me. yes! and soon he changed the words he is not ready. But because of love I keep waiting and I reply him. " okay, but if you really had one and its not me, let me know and I go. I never had hard feeling towards you. I forgive you and don't worry. I'm fine! " Later, I cried for what had happen to me even though head stuck with him. I told friends about my heart and they said " let him go! forget him! he hurts you enough!" I know, but if only I could delete him like I did to the unused folder. Just God knows what I felt in heart.
When I fall sick, I took medicine and sleep the whole day. Its reduce the fever but the love that I need its empty which at that time I really need to be pampered by someone but I didn't get it. "I'm fine" because He's love always with me.
Sometimes, I need to say the word "I'm fine"!!!!!! In any matters, cos I am so badly doesn't want to trouble others.
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